It is said that
love manifolds when there is a short separation. It sure did and there is no
doubt about it but at the same time , it did bring in a lot of pain and
loneliness. Blame my emotional weakness or watever. I so wanted to pen it down
the year that went by when me and arun had to leave far from each other. Itz
very personal, yes! To some its weird to pen down the emotions but to me, its a
memory , just like how we capture photos and make an album so as to look through
when you want to.
It was really
exciting when he cracked GMAT and even better when he got placed in HEC. God
forbid the effort he had put in to get that "offer letter" from HEC.
All was happy and gay until the day when he boarded the flight to Canada. Nope!
There was no departing drama at home / at the airport. We didn't cry at all. Coz
we sure cant bear to see each other crying. Most of the times I keep asking
myself, what hapnd? Y did I let him go? Y did i even let him pursue GMAT? Whats
wrong with me?? And everytime smthing tells me that he has gone there to live
his dreams ( he always wanted to MBA) . So, a bit of satisfaction that I was
able to be part of it too. The silver lining being that its just for an year
which will go in a jiffy.. swoosh!! But it did not. The days moved like a
snail.
First few months
sleeping alone made me insane. Everything in the room and in the house reminded
of him. Even worse when ppl showed sympathy. Missed every lil thing he did to
me from start of the day to end. I felt naked with no emotional support.. No
one to lean back upon for any help. It was just me!!
I had to finally take up the difficult decision of quitting the company to find a new job closer
home so that I don't have to worry about commute. Lucky for me, got the job.
Also, there it is, my dad's bike! My
boon. I wonder how did I gather the courage to drive the bike in a traffic. I
was a "L" board but the will to be independent pushed me to go out
and drive. I did .. I was successful and now I'm fearless when it comes to
driving. Yet! There were days when I so wished and cried tat he was not there
to pick and drop me at railway station / bus stand while going out of town, days
when I wished that he was there to take care of me when I was sick , to Take me
to doc and so on. It all made me realize that I'm nothing without my spouse! He
is my better half and one who completes me.
Then came a
silver lining, i decided to visit him in December. My most cherished days.
Never felt so happier cooking fir him :)..freaked out a lot. Like any other
fairy tale, my holidays came to an end but it sure was a breather for both of
us.
Down with 10 months and now 2 more months to go before I
meet my eternal bliss :).. The irony is that 10 months passed faster than I
thought it would and 2 months are passing slower than I thought it would
be.hmm..The months gone by has brought a change in me...some good and some not
so good, I think. It was an eye opener in a
way which helped me to understand that I have to be independent and I
can't expect support from anyone. I feel lonely ..weekends are never the same.
It is just me ,me and me with my laptop.
I seem to have lost interest in almost everything. This loneliness is creepy!
So desperately waiting for my swt heart to cm back home soon so that I could
get back to my old self. I thought its easier to convince myself to get
involved in some hobby to kp myself busy but it isn't so easy. Trust me! With
no Friends around. It makes it even more difficult.
Here I am, with
a new job and with a count down fir his arrival. My new job is wat that kept me moving. Luckier
yo be part of the team were there is 0 politics , lot of encouragement and surrounded
by frnds who ensure to kp me smiling. It is fun at work. Literally! You learn
and at the same time fun. Icing on the cake is the wonderful manager I get to
work with :). I wonder if is this how a smaller company works or is it that I
got lucky. Hmm... let me njoy it as long as it lasts and I hope its forever ;)
eee... God! was after all not so harsh on me. He got me into a right job at the
right time. Love his plans!
My best suggestion
to all is to have "0" (ZERO) expectations from people around you. It is only your spouse
who completes you and who can be there for you at all circumstances. People are
busy and they have their own priorities. Juts be prepared to be independent.
"To the World you may be just one person, but to one
person you are the world" Very true!.
1 comment:
I was moved to tears by this blog of yours. I am definitely fortunate to have found you as my better half and you are just that my “Better” half. And rightly said I can never see you cry and should I say that you did the right thing by not crying when dropping me off at the airport, I don’t know. Every event in our life is a test and I firmly believe in that. The past year has been a test for the both of us and more so for you. I had taken a vow when I held your hand during our marriage, I shall ensure that I will always be there for you. So did I break my vow, I don’t know.
The initial adrenalin rush of getting through all the procedures and finding a footing in a foreign land kept me going. Then the course in itself was so demanding that I had to take a head first dive into it. I know if I am idle even for a moment, I cannot stop your thoughts flooding into me and filling every inch of my consciousness. Now the pace of the course has slackened. The pace of the time towards the end too has slackened. Like you rightly said, 10 months have flown by whereas the last two are crawling. I concur. I am literally pushing myself to finish the course and I will.
The December break was the best part of the course where I got to be with you. The week that went by seemed like I time traveled a week into the future. Perhaps it is true when they say, if you are with a person you love, an hour passes like a second. For me that week flew in a second. But nonetheless, a revitalizing experience which I needed. Then the summer break that I was there in India for 4 days. Can’t believe it I was there. When a week passed by in a second what would four days be compared to that.
What can be a proof of your love for me other than this, you have willingly taken up the separation knowing fully well how harrowing it would be and the kind of loneliness you would experience. All this to see me achieve my dream. I do not believe firmly in the concept of rebirth. But if at all there is something like that, I hope and pray that you would be by my side in every one of them. Love you a lot Bondatea . As I write this I am 56 days away from seeing you and holding you in my arms.
Post a Comment